Say What?

Excerpt from an email sent home on 22 June 2009.
I honestly thought I shared the same language as the English. That was until today when I visited my local post office to purchase a stamp to mail a letter. I walked to a local convenience store that conveniently has a post office inside along with a dry cleaner, lottery and news stand.

What follows is the exchange between myself and the lady behind the post office counter.

P: = Post office lady speaking.

Me: “Hello, I would like two stamps for a letter.”

P: “What?”

Me: “Two stamps to mail a letter.” I hold up two fingers.

P: “What? A letter?”

Me: Beginning to think she is deaf, I speak louder and more clearly. “Yes, STAMPS for a LETTER.”

P: “Well, what kind of letter?” She holds up a plastic sheet with a red rectangle and two slits in it. “Will it fit in here?” as she points to the red area.

Me: “Yes. I want to mail a standard-size letter.”

P: “Well, if it does not fit in here it is not standard.”

Me: “Yes. It is standard.”

P: “What?”

Me: “The letter is standard size.”

P: “Well, will it fit through this slit?” She points to the top slit on the plastic sheet.

Me: “Yes.”

P: “Well, if it does not then it is not standard size.”

Me: “It is standard size.”

P: “Will it fit through this slit?” She points to the bottom slit on the plastic sheet.

Me: Although I am growing frustrated I reply calmly, “Yes, it will fit through the slits.”

P: “Well then.”

Long pause

Me: “So how much?”

P: “What?”

Me: “The Stamps!!!”

P: “Standard size stamps?”

Me: “Yes, standard size stamps. How much do they cost?”

P: “To mail a letter?”

Me: “Yes, I would like two stamps to mail a standard-size letter that will fit in the red area and that goes through the slits.”

P: “Is it First Class?”

Me: “Yes, it is First Class.”

P: “Well if it is not and it is”… she started a long list of postal classes and categories and as she turned to get yet another visual aid from behind her I interrupted with…

Me: “It is First Class!!! Definitely it is standard size, fits in the red area and will pass through the slits.”

P: “Well then, yes”… mumbled something that I could not understand followed by… “Pence”.

I gave her a £10 note.

P: “How many?”

Me: “Two, standard-size letter, first class stamps.” I held up two fingers.

P: “Well then… Here ya go.” At which point she finally gave me two stamps and my change.

I picked up a pot of milk, paid at the other register and left with my two stamps.
I live in a charming village in rural England.

back to “My First Year in England”
“How Luton Deals with Snow”
“Christmas Goose”